1. The people. God why are there so many people??? I love people! I hate people! Sometimes it’s nice to look around and think “Wow all of these tourists are visiting MY home, because it is so cool and great.” Most times, I am thinking “WOW I want all of these tourists gone immediately, along with half of the residents of the isle of Manhattan.” Mama needs room to breathe.
2. Said people like to talk to you. Sometimes this is in the form of friendly banter and I feel like “Wow this is amazing people care about me!” Most times it’s some variation of heckling my reaction is “Dude I am not actually going to smile right now, no things are not okay, I am sad and I am going to continue to cry directly into my martini in public and it’s okay to do that because I am in NYC and everyone here is nuts and at least I am fully clothed.” And all other times these people just want me to join some type of feminist cult.
3. Dining Al Fresco. There are so many options of dining outside. It’s fantastic! The sun is shining, people are jolly, and things are feeling fine. Although 75% of these places are located directly behind a dumpster, you have 30 centimeters between the diners next to you, or if you are lucky you are on a roof. Roofs are good. I love roofs. On to the next.
4. Roofs. Everybody loves a good rooftop bar. I am included in this populous. They make me feel like I am Beyonce and Jay Z. I want to roll up to every single Roof Top bar wearing a white linen suit and a fedora. Maybe I am thinking of the Will Smith video for Miami, whatever I just love being roof side. And everyone cool has a rooftop terrace of their own. Except me. Because I am poor. So that’s why I also hate them.
5.The rent. You’ve heard that LCD Soundsystem Song. “New York’s the greatest if you get someone to pay the rent.” Well it’s true. NYC rent is damn expensive. And most people live in what the rest of the country could only consider a pantry. And you continually feel like a pauper. But if you are rich in NYC I imagine it is simply amazing. If I won the lottery I would get a Butler and make him fan me with a giant Palm Frond all year long.
We are halfway there. The rest is to be continued. Can you contain your excitement??