It recently became apparent to me that I am more
paranoid about in tune to potential homicides than most. It started innocently enough, when after being blown off by one guy or another I began to justify this sudden absence by assuming the man was in a coma. It was after I began to increase my Investigation Discovery consumption that I accelerated my justification of said rejection from coma to murder.
It became old hat for me to say, “Oh that guy? Haven’t heard from him, I am pretty positive he was the Long Island strangler anyway.” And as I type this, I still think this to be true. I guess the feeling of relief of having my life spared is meant to outweigh the annoyance at rejection? I don’t know…. I have issues. I am working on them.
Apparently, all of this television watching combined with the belief that I exclusively date murderers, makes me feel like the female American version of Sherlock Holmes. This belief has forced me into a constant state of questioning whether I should be saying something about all of the potential criminals I am seeing throughout the streets of NYC, which is quite problematic because as paranoid as I might be, I dislike any type of authority figure beyond reason. I am not necessarily proud of this fact, but at least I am aware of my weaknesses?
Anyway- so I am constantly paranoid and in denial about the fact that someone could ever not want to date me, you get it. But I have a point beyond that. This is basically a 2 part revelation. Last week I had the great pleasure of going to Montreal for an unforgettable work experience. And I have to say those Canadians have it right.
Flying can be a pretty harrowing experience for most. But immediately after physically detaching our plane from LGA and entering a flight pattern towards Canada I could feel a tide shifting. People were friendly. And helpful. And that adorable little accent! I could just listen to flight attendants discuss safety procedures for days! The Canadians also know that a well timed drink (11 am on a Monday? Absolutely) is the way to this American’s heart! The French language, the cobblestone, and mostly that calm Canadian vibe, sold me on Montreal. I didn’t think anyone was going to murder me once! Although… I wasn’t there long enough to find someone to date and then reject me. Regardless I have drawn the conclusion that I am not overly anxiety prone, it’s New York! Je t’aime Montreal. Je t’aime.
The love I have for rainbows is insane. I am not a mathematician but rainbows + Canadians= heaven.
This past July 4th was spent, as most past have been, on the Cape. Having spent nearly every summer, with the exception of a few, on Cape Cod for a better part of my life, it’s always good to be home. And I am not sure if it’s because I am a water sign or due to my aggressive hot flashes, but I am never happier and more comfortable than when by some large body of water. Anyway, I was forced to come back to the sauna I call a home due to my obligation to work for a living post July 4th and although the isle of Manhattan is surrounded by water by definition, my ability to be submerged in water is limited.
I’ve mentioned in the past that I have the good fortune to live just steps away from the ever classy John Jay Community Pool. So imagine my surprise and delight when my best friend stopped by on Sunday and wanted to go for a swim. (Most times when I suggest a trip to the pool to friends, it is met with laughter. I am never kidding.) As the words were out of her mouth I simultaneously donned my swimsuit and was ready to go. I almost felt the same joy as when my parents would inform me of an upcoming trip to Disneyworld as a youth. (slash if I were to decide to go to Disneyworld right this minute.
Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase. This city is so damn hot we were rejected from the community pool. Desperate, sweaty city dwellers were lined up for hours in wait as the shrieks and cheer of swimmers echoed from within the confines of the swimming area. I am so depressed. I never thought the day would come when I would be rejected from the community pool, but alas, new accommodations must be made. Fortunately there are options and I will be exploring them all. King and Grove, prepare your waters for me!