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Why? Whyyyyy

Something horrible is happening all around us and I am not sure if anyone is truly ready for it. Winter has settled in. For a brief moment this past weekend when I was frolicking along Compo beach basking in the golden glow of the unadulterated sun, I thought maybe it was spring. Families were playing Frisbee, jackets were sporadic, and I am pretty sure I saw the crowning of a newborn crocus on someone’s lawn. But alas, the bitter winds have taken warmth away from us and replaced it with the harsh reality that winter is here until March 20th. So everyone should settle in for three long, horrible months, until we will be able to enjoy a few mediocre ones that will bring us back to the glory of summer. To help guide this journey, below are a few reasons why I love box wine.

1.3 bottles? One box? Hello!
2.They fit perfectly into my freakishly small fridge
3.They are environmentally conscious- we all know I am all about reducing my carbon footprint! If I need to continue to drink box wine in order to save the environment, then I will just have to do it!
4.They are extremely portable and perfect for a picnic or a long subway ride.
5.They come complete with a spigot for easy pouring and sealing.

I hereby pronounce box wine as eggnog’s replacement and the single item that will get me through winter. That- or we could figure out how the whole hibernation thing works.

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Thanks and Praise

I recently had a holiday gathering at which I planned to almost solely serve eggnog and since apparently nobody really likes I it I am left with a plethora of excess nog. Since I pretty much only have eggnog in my fridge currently after I recently polished off the jar of cornichons I have been munching on, I have exclusively been drinking eggnog on a nightly basis post holiday extravaganza. And I have discovered that this little elixir is intoxicatingly delicious.

Who invented this magical concoction? What genius decided that blending eggs, milk, and sugar would make such a perfect treat? It has completed my winter nights as I doze off to sleep in front of tube and it has been a surprising addition to my morning coffee. It is also a splendid portal for consuming large quantities of alcohol. Why are we limited to eggnog just one time per year?? Will the day ever come that this could be a year round delicacy?

I still have a few more cartons, so I won’t panic just yet, but I am fearful of the day when I have to put the mug down and step away from the eggnog. What comforting beverage will fill its void? To the creator of eggnog- thank you. My challenge to you now- send me something to wean me off its sweet sweet nectar.

Fin

I envisioned this online dating venture as a thrilling topic of blogging. Since most aspects of my life chart me in the fast lane, I figured this would be the same. I pictured numerous dates per week, doubling up on certain days, confusing people’s back-stories and having wild tales of stalkers and obsessive compulsive prone perverts to bring to the girls at work. I was also looking forward to obtaining exceptional blogging material.

However, it is now that the sad truth is beginning to present itself. My forte in life is most likely not online dating. I am awful at small talk, I don’t get online chatting, and crafting a witty e-mail is not really my game. Most of all, I hate talking about myself to people I don’t know. Due to my distaste for this rather integral cornerstone in socialization, I am essentially no good at meeting new people. I thought it was just in person, but as it turns out this extends to the online world as well.

Somehow I have made it pretty far in life for being almost entirely socially awkward, so I am going to just pray that the above is not completely true. Maybe I just haven’t gotten the knack of dating online, need to devote a bit more focus, or I need a new site, but in order not to bore any of my loyal readers, I am going to hold off on any further updates until I have some that is actually interesting to share.

The day I began to fail at online dating.

So I survived my night of taking it offline- but I have overall failed my mission of taking the Internet by storm. It started off wonderfully. He checked in online to confirm the date and the day of our big date I got a friendly little text about the night. I was looking my best after spending a frantic two hour period prior to the date arranging the perfect first date outfit. And I feel like I followed first date etiquette.

I asked a lot of questions, I seemed interested in the answers. At least I think I did- I at least TRIED to seem interested in the answers. I made eye contact, I laughed. At least I am pretty sure I made eye contact and I definitely laughed. It was hard to remain entirely focused because an adorable French bulldog was patrolling the premises and I did become mildly distracted by his presence.

There were subtle touches, references to future hangouts, and complimentary feedback. I left the night feeling like I was the star of online dating. I nearly felt like I could write a book on the subject with a solid level of expertise. I sent my obligatory follow up text and drifted to sleep with the notion of romantic picnics in spring and drives to the countryside dancing in my head.

So imagine my surprise when three days later, my follow up text is still dangling in the wind unanswered. And imagine that surprise exponentially increasing when I discovered that my date removed himself from Okaycupid entirely! Not only is he not interested in seeing me ever again, but also I have officially caused him to drop out of online dating completely. At first I felt mildly depressed by the thought that I caused a perfectly nice stranger to distrust the Internet, however that was fleeting. I have merely decided to continue on as if this never happened and I have launched into the newest portion of my online dating career. It is not entirely over with Okay Cupid, but chemistry.com- here I come!

The day I continued Online dating

Per the recommendation of my own fabulous resident online dating expert and the fire of yet another engagement under my ass, I have launched into the second chapter of my online dating novella. I have expanded my dating repertoire to a wonderful little site called okaycupid. Here I can answer questions on whether or not I will date a soft drug user or if I think it is acceptable to burn the American flag.

I can also mention that I am looking for a 25 -30 year old single male in NYC and that my favorite food is pretty much anything. And it is sensitive to my emotions and fear of rejection by only alerting users once they have selected each other. It isn’t entirely devoid of online awkwardness. For example this evening a 47-year-old grey haired dude wrote me a message that simply called me a “Geek.” I have also been told I have a nice neckline and also been subject to some pretty awesome pick up lines.

My favorite one was indicating that because my profile picture included a life preserver, I was intended to save the sender. Unfortunately, I sensed some ax-murderish tendencies from his profile so I deemed him a non-match. There was also the match that I was sent named CreepyMarriedude69. So far online dating is slightly like living in Southern Florida, however, there is one seemingly nice interesting single person within the range I selected so I am opting to take it offline this Thursday!

I have alerted my emergency contact of my location and timing so in case I go missing they will know from where to follow the breadcrumbs. So far I am basically a professional online dater. Stay tuned!