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Posts tagged ‘self improvement’

The next chapter

This is a post I’ve been writing for months. My comeback post. I’ve tried writing it as a metaphor, as a poem, in a way that is much more eloquent than the reality. I was lost, comatose, blind and now I am found, awake, and with sight. It was arduous, cliché, and self-indulgent. This is too; so don’t get too smug or relieved. So although delayed, today is the perfect day. And in the end it doesn’t matter the way I tell it.

About 10 years ago I wrote a book. It was inspired by my year in Florida Post College, although in no way reflective of my actual time there. I was motivated and inspired to complete about ¾ of the project. After that I was fairly complacent to pretend like it never happened, but it was always on my mind, harping me to close that chapter so to speak. Although I was also comfortable ignoring this sentiment, my mother was also present to remind me of my desire to publish this book with clippings of articles on publishing, the names of self publishers scribbled on scraps of paper, and reminders during our daily phone chats. We had even begun brainstorming a second novel that we would co-author once this one was finished.

After she passed away, I though this is surely the chance I have to finish this novel, to use writing as a cathartic process, and begin to heal. But I did not do this. I avoiding writing like I avoided most things that I knew were healthy coping mechanisms one might potentially say. But one day, several years later, an amazing thing happened and suddenly I realized my hardships as my strength and that it wasn’t too late to shift gears. So shift I did and I’ve finally been able to finish the book* I began several years ago. It’s not perfect (sorry everyone who already purchased it 😉 )but it’s my story and I laughed when I wrote it and I cried too. And I did both when I read it each time. And I feel ready for the next one.

With that, I honestly can’t believe how many wonderful people I’ve accrued through my life who have stood by me for all of my highs and lows. I am a better friend because of you. I am so grateful that I have such a loving family and support system that has only continue to strengthen despite our losses. And I am grateful to have my mom still such a big part in my life through her memory and the values imparted upon me. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have been given and that life has patiently been waiting for my return. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for believing in me. So on this day, which I can hardly believe is the fourth anniversary of her passing I am happy to say that’s one down, several more to go. I toast you every day, but especially today. I miss you and love you and thank you for everything including the publisher recommendation. 🙂

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*Although this post is slightly more serious in tone, this book is not. It’s a lot of fun if you would like to check it out! A Girl, A Dream, and SPF 50.

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the time i missed my connection…

i imagine these two are busy at work finding my future hub.

I imagine these two are busy at work finding my future hub.

I was recently given the gift of abundant free time and beyond getting the opportunity to spend as much of it as possible at my favorite place in Manhattan, the community pool, I have been focused 100% on self reflection and improvement. As such, I have taken a break from the world of online dating so that I can work on being a person that I would actually consider dating. I am only 2 weeks into this apparent 7 week process, however love can’t be stopped so I was fortunate to meet my soul mate on a Brooklyn bound 4 train this past Saturday.

Meet might be a slight overstatement. It was hard to fully assess our companionship due to the fact I was entrenched in a novel and listening to my self improvement summer mix and he was devoted to his Michael Jackson travel tunes, however he had a positive energy, glasses, and no wedding ring so I am fairly certain this was true love. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything considering I am not totally self evolved as of yet, but I did remove one of my ear buds to invite any sweet nothings he wished to whisper in my available ear.

Unfortunately, the universe must have gotten its wires crossed and the sweet nothings were only the latter. I am persistent so I put forth a final hail mary and scoped out Craigslist Missed Connections, as I was confident Future Mr. B was likely there searching for yours truly. It was here I had my second surprise of the weekend. I have never really perused this website before, however I had a very romantic vision of the site filled with hopeless romantics chasing after love at first sight that just so happened to pass them by. The two people that happened to be reading the same tattered novel, swept away in a crowd of rambunctious teenagers, a meaningful glance that should have been more, the picnickers that got separated in a tizzy of Summer Stage attendees. I am here to tell you it is not this.

Missed Connections did NOT house the romantic message I was certain would be awaiting me, however if someone regretfully missed out on a threesome with a married couple at Niagra in the East Village, lost their “sweet” harness at Eagle Bar, or you are in search of the name of the charming gentleman that felt you up in meatpacking you should probably check out Craigslist because your connections await you. I, on the other hand, will be continuing my practice of avoiding Internet dating until I am fully prepared for true love and my eyes have healed from the assault that was Missed Connections. There were photos. Photos that I can never unsee… And if you happen to be that tall bespectacled gentleman from the 4 train… well then this worked out nicely. Until next time!