Yesterday evening as I stumbled onto my 3 hour delayed flight, juggling my jumbo canvas tote, overflowing with a variety of goodies including but not limited to, my shredded airplane ticket, the worst book ever written, the best book ever written, an assortment of food related periodicals, and an assortment of concealed non explosive liquids, as grubby handed babies tugged on my jean legs while simultaneously screeching in my ears, and flight attendants proved to be even more ignorant in terms of in flight happenings than said infants, it occurred to me that I was most likely in the most foul mood since the departure of Breaker High from early morning cable.
The day had started off famously. Streaming sunlight gently nuzzled me awake. I enjoyed a leisurely cup of java on the porch while perusing the Sunday paper after which I indulged in the pleasures of Maple Smoked Bacon. After a scintillating out door shower, I received an invitation to accompany our family friends in a morning of champagne and foie gras. This morning was the cherry (actually there were cherries as well) adorning the top of the perfect week. It was the week anyone would imagine if coming to New England.
It was truly picturesque. It began with early morning clamming and ended with Champagne. Not much was needed in the middle to make for the ultimate New England adventure. There were Lily Pulitzer speckled affairs in Coastal Maine, cool nights warmed by hot creamy chowder, quahogs, Beach Bonfires, Fireworks, Kite Flying, Baby Ogling, Whale Watching, Lobster, and further extravagance. It was essentially a week long J Crew ad without the requisite puppy. For one week I hadn’t a worry in the world, not a decision to make other than Red or White. And in one fell swoop all of my joy and bliss was extinguished with by the long road home.
I left behind my sun doused lazy Sunday for knuckle clenching traffic, filth covered security check points, and unsavory feelings for innocent flight attendants. I was lied to, delayed, swindled, and swarmed by other dissatisfied travelers and weary children. After 12 hours of exhausting and nerve abusing travel I arrived home. It is incomprehensible that people actually pay for this kind of abuse. Fortunately my travels were fabulous enough to compensate for the unacceptable travel accommodations, however not many people are as lucky as I am. I have sampled from the good life and I no longer want to be herded around like common cattle. If I am paying any amount of money for ANYTHING, it shouldn’t make me want to gauge my eyes out. It shouldn’t take me to a level of grumpiness that even a passing baby can’t subside. Furthermore, I am over it. Before I submitted to glum silence for the extent of my flight, my seatmates and I determined that commercial travel was no longer an option and we would in fact need to purchase a jet. I think they may have been joking, but I was not. I will continue to peruse Craigslist until this resourceful website begins to list jets, but until then I suppose with the masses I will be. Hopefully, strategically placed nearest to the beverage cart.