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adventures in office gossip

Like most people, my workday is often very busy with distracting things such as conference calls, spreadsheets, and meetings, leaving very little time for life’s most important topics. I am often forced to learn every detail of my colleague’s dating lives in minimal time. As such, it’s important to strategize. Here are my tips on maximizing gossip sessions.

Get to the point. When recapping a date, nobody needs to know how the food was prepared. It only matters whether or not he picked a decent, convenient spot, and how smoothly the check was handled. Just kidding I need every detail of what you ordered, ate, how you ate it, how it tasted, whether or not you met the chef, what exactly you each said, the tone with which it was said, and whether or not the night ended in a kiss. But be concise. Just don’t spare any single detail.

Recap emails can be helpful. Details are hard, but necessary for the joy of your enraptured audience, so be thorough. All feelings and any important dialogue should be noted to expedite group analysis. Always take particular note as to how the date ended. Did he set a time to meet again? Did he say I will talk to you tomorrow or I will talk with soon? Note body language and facial expressions. Photos would help….

Text updates are key. Bathroom breaks are perfect for live date updates, which allow your dateless friends to feel included and for you to feel important. It’s nice for everyone. This also is a nice timeline to follow when putting together your date recap e-mail.

Explore all channels when rehashing dating challenges with friends at work or anytime. Having a hard time determining if that hottie on the ferry is single? Hit the app store. Between tinder, OKC, match, bumble, coffee meets bagel, howaboutwe, and plenty of fish (is this still a thing? that can be discussed as well) you will find out swiftly. Mid day catch-ups are perfect for best practice sharing with single coworkers on emerging platforms outside of the boardroom. Within moments it’s possible to find nearly any single male in the tri-state area with current technology so make sure you stay connected.

Make an agenda. During gossip sessions you want to make sure everyone gets to share and give input to make sure all can weigh in and take part in the fun. An agenda is a good way to make sure you stay on schedule and cover all updates evenly.

Most of all don’t get discouraged. This amount of emotional energy may be exhausting and cause you to wonder if it is worth it, but there is nothing better than sharing with girlfriends, helping each other primp before an exciting first date, slightly obsessing, and immediately banding together to plot impending doom on anyone that falls short of our fairly low expectations. It may seem tough at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way! As long as I am married in CT by next June with a pony, a shared yard with my bestie, and a minivan. Just kidding. I’m not kidding. I mean whatever happens! 😉 Happy trails to all my single ladies!

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