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Posts from the ‘dating’ Category

Jul 7

adventures in office gossip

Like most people, my workday is often very busy with distracting things such as conference calls, spreadsheets, and meetings, leaving very little time for life’s most important topics. I am often forced to learn every detail of my colleague’s dating lives in minimal time. As such, it’s important to strategize. Here are my tips on maximizing gossip sessions.

Get to the point. When recapping a date, nobody needs to know how the food was prepared. It only matters whether or not he picked a decent, convenient spot, and how smoothly the check was handled. Just kidding I need every detail of what you ordered, ate, how you ate it, how it tasted, whether or not you met the chef, what exactly you each said, the tone with which it was said, and whether or not the night ended in a kiss. But be concise. Just don’t spare any single detail.

Recap emails can be helpful. Details are hard, but necessary for the joy of your enraptured audience, so be thorough. All feelings and any important dialogue should be noted to expedite group analysis. Always take particular note as to how the date ended. Did he set a time to meet again? Did he say I will talk to you tomorrow or I will talk with soon? Note body language and facial expressions. Photos would help….

Text updates are key. Bathroom breaks are perfect for live date updates, which allow your dateless friends to feel included and for you to feel important. It’s nice for everyone. This also is a nice timeline to follow when putting together your date recap e-mail.

Explore all channels when rehashing dating challenges with friends at work or anytime. Having a hard time determining if that hottie on the ferry is single? Hit the app store. Between tinder, OKC, match, bumble, coffee meets bagel, howaboutwe, and plenty of fish (is this still a thing? that can be discussed as well) you will find out swiftly. Mid day catch-ups are perfect for best practice sharing with single coworkers on emerging platforms outside of the boardroom. Within moments it’s possible to find nearly any single male in the tri-state area with current technology so make sure you stay connected.

Make an agenda. During gossip sessions you want to make sure everyone gets to share and give input to make sure all can weigh in and take part in the fun. An agenda is a good way to make sure you stay on schedule and cover all updates evenly.

Most of all don’t get discouraged. This amount of emotional energy may be exhausting and cause you to wonder if it is worth it, but there is nothing better than sharing with girlfriends, helping each other primp before an exciting first date, slightly obsessing, and immediately banding together to plot impending doom on anyone that falls short of our fairly low expectations. It may seem tough at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way! As long as I am married in CT by next June with a pony, a shared yard with my bestie, and a minivan. Just kidding. I’m not kidding. I mean whatever happens! 😉 Happy trails to all my single ladies! Read more

Apr 17

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i’m back.

Yesterday was the first day it felt like spring and thus the appropriate time to wear a dress with bare legs. It also was the day for me to spill coffee on myself on my way to work, arrive at said workplace 30 minutes late due to train malfunctions, and miss the bus. You know the day. The crowning pre- 10 am moment was a run-in with one of the original rejecters of yours truly in the past year. He was one of the many (okay few) great first dates that were followed with enthusiastic plans to extend the fun with an immediate second only to never hear from this person ever again.

Picture it. Tinder. May 2014. A quiet architect with a fairly prominent lisp treats a newly employed gal to a delightful evening of flirtatious banter and libation. After said evening, our bashful gentleman follows up with an overly sentimental text indicating the evening as one of great joy. One that was so engaging and compelling he would have loved to continue to talk with this woman all night long. A little dramatic and cheesy? Absolutely! Appreciated? Totally! After a little light Internet stalking and wedding planning, it is official; the Future Mr. B has been selected.

Obviously I never heard from this person again, which I assumed was due to his relocation to the extremely remote island where all of my other abandoned dates reside. They typically don’t resurface on the cross-town bus so you can imagine my surprise when I saw him this AM. What is shocking to me is that this scenario has unfolded for nearly every woman I know. Meet a guy, have a sparkling evening; both parties mutually agree with enthusiasm the night was wonderful in every way. And then nothing. It seems this type of behavior is universal, however my sample happens to exclusively consist of gorgeous, smart, interesting women, which is even more baffling to me. I am no dummy, I understand the idea of being polite, but if a date wasn’t actually the best of your life or if you don’t actually want to talk all night, why don’t we just skip the dramatic overtures and all agree to keep it civil. Agreed?

P.S. We are just going to pretend like I wasn’t on a 20-year blogging hiatus.

This sad dumpster pillow cat has absolutely nothing to do with this post.

This sad dumpster pillow cat has absolutely nothing to do with this post.