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Posts from the ‘Pets’ Category

This is 30

This week a friend asked if this is how I pictured my life at 30 and my immediate answer was “HELL NO”. I then proceeded to escort myself on a self-guided journey into a pity party for one. After I moped around for a while, referencing a few indications of my perceived lack of success, I snapped out of that thought process real fast. Of course this isn’t where I pictured myself at 30 because I painted it when I was about 6 and I l was never very good at art. Or sports… I digress.

So this is 30 and to be perfectly honest I am quite happy to leave my 20s behind. The older I get, the more legitimate it is for me to leave places before 10:00 PM. It is one step closer to getting to wear muumuus without judgement. And discuss casseroles and crock-pots for longer periods of time. So there’s that.

I took risks in my twenties that helped me figure out what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I have trimmed and tailored and cut out the fat. I learned that while Edward 40 hands is a good idea when you are 24, Hendricks Martinis with your best friends are better. And even best when you do both with your aforementioned friends. I feel like the past year has led me to a calmer state of Marissa. And I can stand for a little calm.

So it was a happy birthday for me and a happy birthday for BJ. He’s 6, which is 40 in cat years. I wonder how he’s feeling.

Bitch didn't even get me a present.

Bitch didn’t even get me a present.

 

 

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How to live life better.

I have been anxious about what to share in this long anticipated return post, as my life is overridden with fascinating news and anecdotes. However I couldn’t really land a theme so instead I shall share some generic wisdom I have gathered over my years. There are little things I do to try and deflect from the squalor in which I reside. * These little tricks have gotten me through some tough pest ridden times. Hopefully they’ll help you. In this first issue, I’ll cover 3 categories Rodents, Insects, and Snakes.
Rodents
A mouse in the house? First try picturing him wearing a top hat or comedically eating an oversized triangle of cheese. Not working? Purchase a gigantic orange tabby cat and commence life’s enjoyment.

 

Keeping it gangsta

Keeping it gangsta

Insects
Cockroaches it you squeamish? I’ve tried using my ninja-like skills to sneak up and slyly stomp them, but it’s hard to be ninja-like while openly weeping in galoshes. The best strategy here is to gently place cat near infected area and commence prayer.
Snakes
Garden snake? Or new best friend? You decide, but I say befriend the enemy! They smell fear. Also name him Snakey- it’s emasculating**.
Soooo, that is basically what I’ve got for now. Likely a midlife crisis to follow in the next week or so, stay tuned.

*Note I live adorably.

**My actual tactic for each category is to first call my dad in hysterics followed up with an immediate panic-stricken call to my super.

“Hello My name is Marissa and I have a cat.”

When I first picked up my new fluff ball of perfection from Animal Control 5 beautiful years ago I told myself “Self, don’t get too weird with the cat thing”.

I then immediately began to get extremely weird with the cat thing. It started innocently enough. I live alone, I have a fear of rodents, a cat could both serve and protect. I would just be a girl who happens to have a cat. Nobody really needed to know. Having a cat didn’t need to define me by any means. Until I realized they make cat Rasta wigs… and bowties… and my mom discovered a bevy of other cat sundries including the most flamboyant Christmas outfit one has ever seen.

The next thing I knew my life was consumed with cat eccentricities. Photos, more bowties, more cat costumes, a holiday card. Needless to say I have taken the cat lady thing to a whole new level and I have to say I am totally okay with it. Here are some of my favorite cat themed items for your viewing pleasure.

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I don’t regret this in the slightest. YOLO.

I look at this every day before I go to work.
I look at this every day before I go to work.

This was a gift from mom, hanging proudly in my bathroom.

This was a gift from Mom, hanging proudly in my bathroom.

I think after this mom gift I had to talk with her about toning down the kitty gifts. This I do regret.

I think after this one from Mom I had to talk with her about toning down the kitty gifts. This I do regret.

The fact that he wears this hat even for a moment illustrates his angelic nature.

The fact that he wears this hat even for a moment illustrates his angelic nature.