This week a friend asked if this is how I pictured my life at 30 and my immediate answer was “HELL NO”. I then proceeded to escort myself on a self-guided journey into a pity party for one. After I moped around for a while, referencing a few indications of my perceived lack of success, I snapped out of that thought process real fast. Of course this isn’t where I pictured myself at 30 because I painted it when I was about 6 and I l was never very good at art. Or sports… I digress.
So this is 30 and to be perfectly honest I am quite happy to leave my 20s behind. The older I get, the more legitimate it is for me to leave places before 10:00 PM. It is one step closer to getting to wear muumuus without judgement. And discuss casseroles and crock-pots for longer periods of time. So there’s that.
I took risks in my twenties that helped me figure out what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I have trimmed and tailored and cut out the fat. I learned that while Edward 40 hands is a good idea when you are 24, Hendricks Martinis with your best friends are better. And even best when you do both with your aforementioned friends. I feel like the past year has led me to a calmer state of Marissa. And I can stand for a little calm.
So it was a happy birthday for me and a happy birthday for BJ. He’s 6, which is 40 in cat years. I wonder how he’s feeling.
Bitch didn’t even get me a present.
I have been anxious about what to share in this long anticipated return post, as my life is overridden with fascinating news and anecdotes. However I couldn’t really land a theme so instead I shall share some generic wisdom I have gathered over my years. There are little things I do to try and deflect from the squalor in which I reside. * These little tricks have gotten me through some tough pest ridden times. Hopefully they’ll help you. In this first issue, I’ll cover 3 categories Rodents, Insects, and Snakes.
A mouse in the house? First try picturing him wearing a top hat or comedically eating an oversized triangle of cheese. Not working? Purchase a gigantic orange tabby cat and commence life’s enjoyment.
Keeping it gangsta
Cockroaches it you squeamish? I’ve tried using my ninja-like skills to sneak up and slyly stomp them, but it’s hard to be ninja-like while openly weeping in galoshes. The best strategy here is to gently place cat near infected area and commence prayer.
Garden snake? Or new best friend? You decide, but I say befriend the enemy! They smell fear. Also name him Snakey- it’s emasculating**.
Soooo, that is basically what I’ve got for now. Likely a midlife crisis to follow in the next week or so, stay tuned.
*Note I live adorably.
**My actual tactic for each category is to first call my dad in hysterics followed up with an immediate panic-stricken call to my super.
When I first picked up my new fluff ball of perfection from Animal Control 5 beautiful years ago I told myself “Self, don’t get too weird with the cat thing”.
I then immediately began to get extremely weird with the cat thing. It started innocently enough. I live alone, I have a fear of rodents, a cat could both serve and protect. I would just be a girl who happens to have a cat. Nobody really needed to know. Having a cat didn’t need to define me by any means. Until I realized they make cat Rasta wigs… and bowties… and my mom discovered a bevy of other cat sundries including the most flamboyant Christmas outfit one has ever seen.
The next thing I knew my life was consumed with cat eccentricities. Photos, more bowties, more cat costumes, a holiday card. Needless to say I have taken the cat lady thing to a whole new level and I have to say I am totally okay with it. Here are some of my favorite cat themed items for your viewing pleasure.
I don’t regret this in the slightest. YOLO.
- I look at this every day before I go to work.
This was a gift from Mom, hanging proudly in my bathroom.
I think after this one from Mom I had to talk with her about toning down the kitty gifts. This I do regret.
The fact that he wears this hat even for a moment illustrates his angelic nature.