Things I learned on vacation
1. Apparently I have been pigeon toed my whole life and nobody told me- thanks Dad.
2. It is also seemingly far too common for 60-year-old men to date women less than half their age. If one more person thought my Dad and I were a couple I was going to rent the Goodyear blimp to announce this was in fact not the case.
3. After 28 years of effort and pain- it is abundantly clear, I do not tan.
4. Wild horses are pretty neat, but mini horses are still the cutest.
5. I will never be on island time. This lifestyle works if I am ever running late, but me waiting for anything, especially a cocktail is not the prettiest site.
6. If anyone recommends you got to a place called the Cash and Carry- I would advise against this plan. Our mission was wine; this establishment offers a can of Goya Black beans, a slot machine, and the stench of desperation.
7. If you ever need a bug repellent stronger than Deet, bring me. I think an inch of my skin is uneaten, my Dad, unscathed. I am available for sunsets, jungle tours, and beach combing missions.
8. Keeping that in mind, nature is amazing and inspiring and infinite, but my one true love will always be A/C.
9. All that said, the people of Vieques seem pretty happy. If you haven’t heard from me in a while I may have purchased the shell truck for sale on the side of the road. I may or may not have left my resume with its owner and I am clearly qualified.