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An Amendment to My Life is Over

I know I previously said that my life is over in my past post. And that resulted in some concern from Dad. But lately I have been saying a lot of things that I don’t mean. For example when people say Congratulations about graduation and I smile and say “Thank you it’s so exciting”. This is a lie. Typically “This is so exciting” in actuality means “This is so scary I could hyperventilate and pass out”. Another favorite is when I say “It is time to move on”. What this actually means is “I never want to move on ever and if you bring up the fact that it is time to move on again I may a) hyperventilate and pass out or b) break out into hysterics which you will have the responsibility of quelling over several sniveling hours.” Another is when I say “Well at least we had a great 4 years.” Although I do know in the back of my mind that I will mean this in the future, for the time being this means, “I wish I would have spent more time in a chemistry lab or in the library instead of enjoying every second of these past four years because then maybe I wouldn’t be this devastated that they are over.” The parents have assured me that I will not actually be crying for the rest of my life and I will not need a life time of therapy for the pain I am suffering. At first did not believe them. The thought that I won’t be able to walk out of my front door and know at least 10 people walking bye had me plummeting quite rapidly. That I won’t be able to meet up with friends in seconds. That I will once again be anonymous. That I will actually have to start over. All of these thoughts convinced me I will never get over the loss of college comfort. But, then I reconsidered. I filed through my years of experiences and memories and remembered a similar, much more intense fear that I felt before coming to Cornell. Change is not a favorite of mine. I am quite content with routine in an elderly retirement lifestyle sort of manner. (Breakfast at 9, walk at noon, bingo at 2, bridge at 4…) But you know what, with my chameleon like tendencies I know everything will be okay. I’ll be salsa dancing and tanning before I know with the best of them. And although all I can think about is the Will Smith ditty, I think I’ll do just fine. Bienvenido a Miami baby!!!

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